The people who actually think about you often — your family, partner, closest friends — like you because they get to see the rawest form of you.
And yet it’s easy to obsess over how you appear to acquaintances and strangers, the very people least likely to give you a second thought. That person who saw you picking your nose on the commute home? They woke up with a hitch in their knee, worked to beat a crushing deadline all day, and wish they could unsend that email that said “Let’s celibate!” instead of “Let’s celebrate!” They’ve forgotten you.
After all, how often do you think of others? We overestimate how much others judge us, let alone notice us.
Most people are too preoccupied with their own lives to give you more than a passing thought. By default, we’re forgettable because every person is living a life as vivid and complex as our own.
If you’re prone to overthinking, to living in your head, this is a freeing realization.
Few of your embarrassments will be remembered. Even if your blunders are remembered by others, those people may drift out of your life. If they constantly nag you about your mistakes, maybe they’re not worth being around. And ultimately, they will die. So will you.
Thinking about what others might — but almost certainly aren’t — thinking about you is a waste of time. Worse, it can make you so self-conscious that you become dull.
Shyness is often just excessive self-absorption wrapped in fear — in particular, a fear of falling short of other people’s expectations.
Discomfort and anxiety are contagious. But so are warmth, openness, and ease. Sometimes you have to act comfortable so you can help others be comfortable. Only then can you build the kind of connections that are worth… well, thinking about.
“…You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do.”
~David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest (Book)
