The obvious: Shit happens. A friend betrays you. You don’t get the promotion. There’s a diagnosis. Someone dies. You lose a bet. Your neighbor inexplicably begins mowing six inches into your property line.
Unfair and unlucky things will happen to you. Sometimes you will need help, and that’s perfectly okay. Leaning on others in trying times is part of being human. But let this be a temporary state.
Victimhood is sneaky. It eats energy, even when it feels productive. It can cause attention-seeking behavior, degenerative thought patterns, and learned helplessness. It can blind you to your capabilities, privileges, and opportunities.
Be wary of people who constantly complain, blame, attack, lament, or gossip to generate drama in an otherwise mundane life. These are often chronic victims seeking attention by attributing poor outcomes to others and external factors. Chronic victims feed on pity and use guilt to manipulate others. Entertaining their theatrics and mentality only reinforces the cycle, harming them, wasting your time. It’s seldom worth indulging.
You can be tender toward those who are suffering. Acknowledge pain. Ask for help when you need it. Process and heal at your own pace. But don’t allow temporary misfortune to crystallize into your identity and enable self-sabotage.
Remember:
- The world is never against you. (It’s simply not that organized, nor is there the incentive.)
- There is no ‘them’ — no faceless entity conspiring to keep you from a happy life.
- The most interesting, productive, and admirable people in your life likely don’t position themselves as victims.
“Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears.”
~Marcus Aurelius, Meditations (Book)
“We are often more afflicted in thought than in fact.”
~Seneca, Letter From a Stoic (Book)