Ever catch yourself lobbing petty grenades?
- “She’s lazy.”
- “He’s stupid.”
- “They don’t deserve that.”
- “They’re so fake.”
That may just be you talking about… you.
Psychological projection happens when you displace undesirable feelings onto someone else, treating them as the source of the internal conflicts you’d rather not face. You will be eaten alive if you believe others are always to blame for your projected issues.
But(!) there’s tremendous utility in projection. It can provide awesome clarifying power for your own problems. If you feel anger, jealousy, resentment, spite, or another negative emotion toward someone, ask yourself: Is this really about them, or does it reflect something unresolved within me?
Catch yourself projecting, and you have a chance to unpack and address negative feelings you’re externalizing. These feelings are often subconscious, and your mind will fight to keep them that way. Left unchecked, they will undermine your self-esteem and subliminally steer your thoughts and actions.
Examples of projections and internal conflicts behind them:
| Projection | Internal conflict |
| I hate that they act like they know something they don’t | I’m afraid of being seen as incompetent |
| They are weak for eating unhealthy food | I struggle to control my cravings |
| They lack the discipline to be healthy | I struggle to work out consistently |
| They’re rich and they don’t deserve it | I’m worried I’ll never have enough even if I work hard |
| Their hobby is unproductive and repulsive | I’m worried others will reject me for enjoying something unusual |
| They’re popular and they’re not even interesting | I wish I got more attention for something I feel I’m good at |
| They always need to be in control of everything | I feel insecure when I’m not in charge |
| They spend too much money on frivolous things | I’m anxious about my own financial security |
| They’re always bragging about their achievements | I wish I felt more confident in my own accomplishments |
| They’re too obsessed with their looks | I’m struggling with my self-image |
To recognize when you’re projecting, remember:
- Excessive criticism is a red flag that signals internal conflict.
- Faults you despise most in others are often the faults you struggle with most yourself.
- You’re more likely to project when you feel inferior, anxious, lonely, or afraid.
- You can project onto individuals, groups, places, objects, ideas, etc.
Catching yourself projecting is, at best, uncomfortable. It forces you to confront the insecurities, unmet needs, and even inferiority complexes you’ve been ignoring. But this discomfort is a gift if you’re willing to use it. Write down your projections and take time to reflect on what’s driving them. Those harsh judgments you place on others likely point directly to unresolved wounds within yourself that need attention and healing.
Lean into that discomfort to unearth a more honest understanding of yourself. This is deep, delicate work, but it can be transformative. You can transmute venom into medicine.
And this works both ways. When someone lashes out unnecessarily, pause and reflect on what they might be projecting, and what might be driving their anger, jealousy, criticism, etc. This can be your shortcut to empathizing with others, understanding their perspective, and finding quicker paths to resolution.
“Who are you to waive your finger? So full of it. Eyeballs deep in muddy waters, fuckin’ hypocrite.”
~Tool, The Pot (Song)